Yesterday was four weeks for Miss Morgan. Crazy how it goes. She’s eating and growing well, and most times she sleeps well, too. I can’t imagine having a baby with a really hard time sleeping. I mean, this is not easy for me as it is, and the times where she won’t go to sleep or is so exhausted but just can’t sleep I really feel like I’m losing my mind. And frankly it’s been exhausting for me because I’m the only one who can feed her. However, I feel like the last few days I am slowly starting to come out of this daze. I didn’t even really realize how deeply out of it I’ve been until I would realize how I hadn’t even noticed the last four days, for example. And now that I am feeling a little more on top of things I feel like “oh, THAT’S what it’s like to feel normal!” I wouldn’t say I’m all the way there, but there are glimmers.
Relatedly, I’ve been feeling annoyed when I see or think about other people I know who’ve had kids recently. I see a picture (or think of one I’ve seen before) and I think, “Are you kidding? She looks so normal. Is that makeup? I can’t remember the last time I brushed my teeth…” Not helping was that it was hard for me to shower at first because of some issues, so for the first time since I was in high school I actually skipped days without showering. Like, um, four days at first. Yeah, sick. It just seems like people handle this transition better than I have, and so then I’m hard on myself for not being all put together. Part of this, I realize, I bring on myself because we hold her so much. So I guess that’s just my choice that then causes me to get so little done besides feeding her, and clearly I’m not changing my choice so it must be more important to me to do that than to cook dinner or something. I probably should have known that newborn days would be hard for me. Caring for a newborn has been easier than I expected it to be because I’ve always been so nervous with little babies, but that doesn’t mean it’s been a piece of cake by any means. And for goodness sake, that lack of sleep is a killer for me. Maybe it’s just that it seems easier for other people because I’m not inside and living that life–I only know my own. It always looks easier on the outside.
So! I don’t mean to be a downer or anything, that’s just a report on life at M+4 weeks. Life is good, it’s just flying by in some sort of fog and I’m hoping to pull out of it a little. Today my accomplishment was folding some towels and doing a teeny bit of ironing. Woo hoo!
I had a little photo session with Morgan because the light was fairly decent. I really feel like I need to learn to use my camera better. The other day I was looking at pictures on the computer and I thought I must be focusing wrong because so many are blurry, and I realized that by refusing to use flash in a rather grey place, when one of us moves at all the picture comes out blurry. I’m a genius for having not realized this before. There is a prime example of life in this baby daze. 
This is the “I’m ready to eat now… why are you still taking pictures of me?” look. Aww.
I had a hard time picking which ones to post, so go to the flickr albums (link in the left sidebar) for more.
Haha It’s so nice to know that I’m not the only one who struggled with the transition… it would irritate me too when I’d see friends with newborns who would only write about how everything was perfect- parents of newborns never get sleep, moms are lucky if they get a shower, and I’ve only put on makeup about twice a week since Ella was born. I finally feel like I’m getting the gist of things and Ella is a year old. Being a Mom is hard, but you already know that those sleepless nights are totally worth it. And for what it’s worth, I don’t know anyone more capable of caring for a child than you.
(And I’m still waiting to read Morgan Josephine… A Mommy’s Tale, hint hint)
oh, and if you ever want help with your camera settings, give me a shout. Looks like you’ve got some pretty great natural light, and that’s awesome.
Oh Em. Even though you feel like you’re in a fog you are doing well. It’s a big adjustment having your whole life thrown upside down by new baby. We all start having days in a row without showering. My husband used to change any time Bri spit up on him but I would wait until someone was coming or i was leaving to do that cause otherwise I’d go through all my clothes in a day. It was like I was a canvas for Bri to do her artistry on. Being a mom definitely means less time for you…but it is all worth it when they smile at you and cuddle close. I don’t know if you’ve considered pumping but that might help so Adrian can feed her and give you a break. It’s nice to let someone else do it at times. Hang in there and you know where I am in you need someone!
Well, I sure as heck didn’t handle the transition very well–with either kid! And from talking to lots of other moms, I think that’s pretty typical. I’m sure there are a few people who just transition really well, but I think that most people are just good at hiding the chaos and exhaustion. I look back to the first year of Andrew’s life and it seems like I was in a fog that whole year…even though he was a great sleeper. I’m sure everyone is telling you this, but it really does get better, more normal. I get to shower every day and can usually manage makeup! Hehe. Anyway, I bet you’re doing a fabulous job and I wish I could meet little Morgan. Such a sweet baby! Hooray for more pictures!
One of these days I really am going to send her present…really…it’s sitting under our piano still. Heh.