I don’t go out much on solo (i.e., without Adrian) adventures for a number of reasons. One, I don’t really feel a need to, especially since it’s still not exactly warm or spring-like outside. It snowed again two days ago. Seriously. Second, it takes so much effort with Morgan that it’s not often worth it to me unless I really need to. I prefer to time it just right, to leave as soon as she finishes eating and get back by the time she might be hungry again, and she’s getting better but she often really dislikes being in the car seat. It’s hard to focus and be safe and it makes me want to cry when she howls like that from the backseat. Anyway, all that aside, when we do go out to the store I always carry her in the wrap. She likes to be snuggly next to me and she usually just falls asleep once she’s finished looking around at the new place. That way my hands are free, too, and as an added bonus it puts her in my personal space, so I don’t have to worry about other people touching her. Oh, also it keeps her warm, being next to me, and I often put on my maternity hoodie and zip it up over both of us for added warmth.
The other day at Trader Joes, someone was asking me how old she is and showing her toddler that there was a baby when this other woman approached from my side and said, “You look pregnant!” and then proceeded to cup Morgan’s head (the only part of her exposed) with her hand as she walked by. I was first annoyed by the fact that she touched my baby. Why do people think that’s okay? At least it was the back of her head and not her face or hands, I guess. But then I started thinking, and laughing actually, about how easily I could have been offended by what she said, too. Gee, thanks, I look pregnant?! I get it, of course, that I look like I have this giant belly with a baby head sticking out the top, but it’s still a rather delicate issue for someone who’s recently given birth. Haha.
So, note to self: never say that to a recently pregnant woman in case she takes offense by it. And never for any reason touch a stranger’s baby. Ugg! I’m sure she’s a nice clean normal person, but I don’t know that, and it’s my instinct to protect my baby. People seem to lose our cultural concept of personal space when it comes to pregnant women and babies.
It’s not generally an issue because of how I carry her, but any tips on what to say that is polite but clear when you see a stranger going in to touch your baby? That happened once when I had the stroller when I was out with my mom when Trevor and Tyler were babies, and I think I just said straight up “Please don’t touch them” in a nice voice. Is that the easiest thing, I guess? It’s just hard to not sound rude, but then again it’s kind of rude to just go touch someone’s kid, too. ???
I’ve often wondered this same thing myself. Why do people insist on asking you questions that are none of their business or sticking their hands where they do not belong? When you’re single, everyone asks if you’re dating and when you’re going to get married. And then, when you get married, everyone asks you when you’re going to get pregnant. Then once you get pregnant, people you don’t know touch you or ask you rude things about your pregnancy. And then they start asking when you’re going to have another child. I don’t know why other people feel this is at all their business, unless we are close, personal friends.
I have wondered how to respond to people who want to touch my children. I hate when people I barely know touch me but I think I’d be irate if they touched my child without asking me first. I do understand the impulse though. Whenever I see a cute baby, I want to touch them but I have remind myself that touching unknown children is inappropriate. I don’t think there is anything wrong with saying “Please don’t touch my baby” in as nice a voice as possible. It will get the message across and hopefully make them think twice about touching another random baby again. I can’t think of any other way that is more direct and clear.
I don’t know why people feel free to touch babies. I’m a total freak about germs and I haaaate it. But I have yet to come up with a good response because I would feel mean saying anything. I find that babywearing does minimize the random touchings. But I guess grocery store woman had no boundaries!
When the weather gets better up there, I think you’ll enjoy taking Morgan out more… it gets easier with practice! I remember feeling so empowered the first day I went out with Simon for several hours on end. I nursed in public twice and changed his diaper in a public restroom. After that, I felt like I could really do this whole parenting thing!
Now I love getting out of the house with him. It’s especially easy if you go somewhere with a Nordstrom, because their restrooms have the BEST set-up… they have a separate women’s lounge with arm chairs for nursing, and a nice changing table (not just those fold-down ones).
Oh, the things people do and say. There were a couple of times with both babies where I almost lost it when someone with nasty hands touched their faces (when they were tiny little newborns). It made me CRAZY. And yet I never said anything…I’m so spineless. I think my favorite though was when I was pregnant with Andrew and John and I went to In-N-Out (one of the sketchier ones too, clientele-wise) and this woman came up and started rubbing my belly. Ugh!
It’s hard when you feel like you have to time outings based on feedings. Feed them right before you walk out the door, then only be gone for a short time and feed them as soon as you get home. It’s nice to get past that, though again, I miss things about that time. Grant is just so different now, I can’t believe how fast it goes.