This post published in a slightly different form yesterday. So for those of you who read the first one, this one’s a little different.
–I read this article the other day written by an American living in London and I felt so London sick. I started wishing I could live there, plotting in my head how to make that happen. And I don’t know if I’d really want that in the end, but it sure does sound lovely to live in Europe. It’s been my dream for a really long time.
–Isn’t it interesting how there are certain things that stick with you, both positively and negatively, that people say? I can still remember so very clearly certain things from childhood through high school through now that people have said to me. There are compliments that still make me feel warm and fuzzy or other things that still make me feel a little flush with embarrassment or whatever. It’s not that I have a great memory, but it seems like there are certain things that just become so firmly imprinted on us. It’s just amazing how relatively small experiences shape the way we feel and think later in life. Anyone have any they’d like to share? I’ll share a positive one (since the negative ones are best not dwelt on and I’d be too embarrassed to share them): someone in high school told me I was the kind of girl soldiers would have dreamed about while they were overseas. And it still makes me blush.
–Sometimes I feel like I’m in this river and all I’m doing in staying in the same place no matter what it is that I do. I think a lot of work that is traditionally women’s work goes unnoticed, because it’s all the kind that inevitably has to be repeated. You know, you do stuff all day and at the end of it can’t figure out what you did, because the house looks the same essentially, so you have to remember that you DID in fact clean the kitchen, it’s just now messy again because you also made dinner. Etc. It’s defeating when you do a bunch of laundry only to see that the basket is half full by the time you finish the round. But I suppose it’s accepting and realizing that all those little things do add up.
Of course it’s also learning to let go of expectations, which is probably a rather large conversation all on its own. Women in general I think expect a whole lot out of themselves, and then are really hard on themselves when it doesn’t all work out as we’d like. At least I sure do that.
Sometimes it’s frustrating to feel that whatever it is I’m doing doesn’t get me ahead, just allows us to not be behind or swept down with the current of all the little stuff that can easily pile up, e.g. pans in the sink (which thankfully Adrian did all of last night so I could get up and feel not quite so behind today). So how do you do the stuff just to remain where you are AND get ahead? And also somehow remember to brush your teeth (don’t laugh–it’s happened…)?
And then I realize that I only have one child and wonder what it’s like with more kids and want to roll over and really give up. I mean, holy moly! How do people do it? I aspire to be so many things, but perhaps you only learn how by just doing it and getting through it and eventually figuring it all out.
–So! One of those areas in which I’ve been feeling reasonably good, like we’re getting ahead even, is in eating. I feel mostly pretty good about how we eat, and I think that’s important. This week we got fancy and bought some fancy pants cheeses at Whole Foods (we always end up buying extra fun things when we shop together. never good monetarily), and I broke my no-dairy rules to have some. Bad of me, yes, but so so good. At least if I’m going to have some dairy it’ll be something really yummy. Hehe.
–I have this application on my phone for sudoku, and sometimes when I lay down with Morgan while she naps or at night when I’m trying to fall asleep I play. It has a counter of how much total time has been played on it and it concerns me to see the total. I don’t want to acknowledge that I’ve spent THAT much time playing a game. Yipes. Therefore…
–Part of my efforts trying to be more on top of things is a goal to use the computer less. I’m trying to turn it off most of the time, only having it on to check blogs and stuff once a day instead of all day every time I walk past it, which then sucks you in and suddenly you’ve wasted all this time… I feel like I’m just spending too much time on the computer, and not really participating in life the way I’d like to [she said as she wrote her BLOG...ahem].
–This morning I was reminded to be grateful for little things, which today was waking up very warm and cozy between my husband and baby. What’s better than that? I think it’s adorable the way Morgan likes to snuggle while she sleeps, “nursing” most of the night. And she’s so happy when she wakes up in the morning that it’s much easier for us to wake up. What a cool kid.