The Untitled Title Page » Morgan

Miss Morgan Josephine

Emily — Sun, 29 Mar 2009 09:52:01 +0000

I’ve never recorded how it was that we picked Morgan’s name. The whole time I was pregnant, of course, we talked about it, but there was a never a name that we were dead set on. My favorite was Madeleine after my absolute favorite author, Madeleine L’Engle. Her books have had a huge effect on me in the way that I look at things, so it seemed appropriate. However, Adrian didn’t like the French spelling, which I would have insisted on because if it weren’t spelled that way it wouldn’t be the same as Madeleine L’Engle. I also prefered the French pronunciation, but then she’d have had to explain her entire life that her name isn’t spelled Madeline, which is probably slightly more common. Ultimately, the problem with it was just that there are so many girls named Madeline/eine/etc. We were hoping to hit a nice balance between a name that people have heard of and know how to pronounce but not so common that three girls on her dorm floor will share her name (yes, this happened to me… but my mom picked my name so long before I was born that it hadn’t yet reached that crazy level of popularity, so it’s different). My attachment to Madeleine L’Engle is important, hence why I am discussing that name and not any of the others in consideration besides the ones we picked.

Morgan was probably our next favorite name because it was a name we both liked rather than one of us liking it more than the other. We discussed many throughout my pregnancy, but Morgan was always on the list. There are two Morgans that influenced us. One is my dear friend Morgan that I met on my study abroad, who has always brought joy around me and who was also my roommate when Adrian and I got married (and was a fabulous sport about sharing her room with a married woman, which probably did seem a little odd). The other is a young girl, I think now 5 years old, from a family in our ward in California. Both of these Morgans are incredibly sweet people and both come from families for whom we have a lot of respect. We often discuss things we’ve observed from these families as things we’d like to incorporate into our own family. So the name Morgan stuck around so well because of all these happy associations.

Oh my, little baby cardigan. Happily for me, my mom likes them as much as I do (thank you!). She looks like a little person here. It’s crazy.

The only problem with Morgan was a middle name. I always wanted to give my first daughter my middle name, Hope. So Morgan was the favorite name, but I just didn’t feel like it flowed well with Hope. So we kept trying other names until I realized at one point that her first name was more important to me than her middle name, since we’d obviously be using her first name more often. If we liked Morgan, that’s what her name should be. So we had to figure out a middle name we were happy with, or it was back to finding a first name that went with Hope.

She has started blowing little spit bubbles a lot. Hehe.

Friend and roommate Morgan’s middle name starts with a J, and she’s called MJ or Morgan J by her family. We played with other initials, but probably because of that nothing else seemed to fit to me besides a J. So we narrowed our hunt down to J names as possibilities. Josephine was one that stuck out, though I couldn’t come up with a meaning behind it besides the Empress Josephine of France, as in Napoleon and Josephine. She probably wasn’t someone you want your daughter emulating precisely, though he did write her some amazingly lovely letters that I used to go read in the library in college when I needed a break from studying.

Very soon before Morgan was born I picked up the Madeleine L’Engle autobiographies I have and on the first page she wrote about Josephine, her first daughter. Well! That satisfied me on having a meaning behind Josephine. I couldn’t name her Madeleine, but at least there could be some sort of connection there.

I’ve been hoping for weeks to get her little eyelashes captured. I never realized that they were something that would come in as she got older.

We still really didn’t name her until she was born. In fact, for the first three days we just called her “baby” and other nicknames. I was paranoid that it wouldn’t fit her, because I never really had a “yes, this is this child’s name” moment. But it fit, and I feel it is sufficiently pretty for our little girl. And slowly I’m getting used to calling her by it. For about the first month I still wasn’t in the habit of calling her Morgan. Hehe. I’m basically there now.

I love her little chubby hands. They are so soft, and sometimes as she nurses or sleeps she still grabs onto my finger.

And that’s the story of the name, for anyone who wanted to know. Mostly, it’s really for my own journaling purposes, but I’m sharing it with you just because.

Captured:

Emily — Fri, 20 Mar 2009 21:10:10 +0000

The tail end of a smile!

Yes, that’s my blurry claw-looking finger there, trying to poke her while making ridiculous voices. It’s hard to get her to smile on cue while you’re also trying to take the picture!

I like this semi-suspicious look. I think she’s wondering why I sound so silly. I’m just trying to get you to smile, Morgan!

Here we go. Not a big smile, but a happy baby nonetheless.

Tomorrow she is 8 weeks old, and next week is two months. Amazing.

Last birth center visit

Emily — Tue, 17 Mar 2009 19:52:39 +0000

Yesterday we went to the birth center for the last time. It made us both really sad because we’ve been so happy there. I was excited that we were in room 3 since I wanted to take some pictures of the room where Morgan was born… not only did we forget our camera (so the only pictures we have are from when my mom came with hers) but we were only there for a few hours afterwards and pictures weren’t the first thing on our minds. Besides, I’m not exactly dressed, so those are just for us to see.

Here’s me with Morgan on the edge of the tub where she was born. This is where I got into as soon as I could after we got there, and the water felt lovely, let me tell you. That may have been the reason I thought childbirth was so doable, who knows. It was definitely relaxing. Maybe I should say it was soothing, since I wouldn’t exactly describe it as relaxing… more exhausting, actually. Anyway, the water was nice! (Why do I require so many extra words to say such a simple thing?)

Adrian holding Morgan in the chair where he took her after he dried off while I was getting out of the tub and taking care of the, um, after baby stuff. That only took a few minutes because it was a lot easier than pushing out a baby!

This is the bed where we all went for the next few hours, where they checked me to make sure I was okay and did Morgan’s newborn exam and all that.

Here’s Morgan with Val, one of the midwives. Ali was actually the one on call when she was born, but we probably had the most visits with Val before the birth, and we hadn’t seen her since at our other appointments, so it was nice to see her again. She admired Morgan’s beautiful head shape. Hehe. She had heard about the birth from Ali, but we got to tell her our side of it and how we felt.

I’ve tried to not fill the blog with too many stats, but I feel I need to report that Morgan was 9 pounds, 4 ounces, which I think is awesome for a baby who was 6 pounds, 5.5 ounces 7 weeks ago. She’s made up for surprising us with her teeniness at birth by gaining plenty of weight since. It makes me happy to know she’s growing well. Also, yesterday was the first time I felt like she really smiled AT me. She’s been smiling for a while, once when Adrian got home but mostly at lights or windows, which she really likes. So of course that made me happy.

Like I said, we were sad to leave the birth center. We both teared up a bit saying goodbye and telling Valerie how grateful we were to be able to come there. We miss home in California a lot, but I know that if we were there we wouldn’t have had this opportunity, since Orange County doesn’t exaclty have the hippie mentality you can find up here. If for no other reason than that, we’re glad we’ve been here during this time.

Sweet Baby

Emily — Tue, 03 Mar 2009 19:40:30 +0000

The pictures from Morgan’s 10-day-old photo session are up. If anyone would like to look at them here’s the link. Click on the “clients” tab and the password is “morgan”. The photographer said she thinks she’ll be using at least one for the birth center wall, so we’re excited for Morgan to be immortalized there.

All is well. We just got back from California, where we were for the weekend for Morgan’s baby blessing. I’ll put up photos later (the link for the pro photos just took less time, so that one’s up first!).

We had a pediatrician appointment this morning and everything looks good there, too. She’s growing and gaining weight like a champ which is relieving and gratifying as a breastfeeding mama. I mean, I’m glad I’m able to provide enough for her, you know? Because it’s hard to know for sure… though I guess the fact that she has plenty of dirty diapers and acts happy after eating should be enough to relax me on that one… Oh, and last night with all the exhaustion of travel she slept for 5 HOURS. Today I want to do nothing but kiss her all day for such a lovely gift. Hehehe. I kiss her tons no matter what, don’t worry!

Four weeks already…

Emily — Mon, 23 Feb 2009 03:45:41 +0000

Yesterday was four weeks for Miss Morgan. Crazy how it goes. She’s eating and growing well, and most times she sleeps well, too. I can’t imagine having a baby with a really hard time sleeping. I mean, this is not easy for me as it is, and the times where she won’t go to sleep or is so exhausted but just can’t sleep I really feel like I’m losing my mind. And frankly it’s been exhausting for me because I’m the only one who can feed her. However, I feel like the last few days I am slowly starting to come out of this daze. I didn’t even really realize how deeply out of it I’ve been until I would realize how I hadn’t even noticed the last four days, for example. And now that I am feeling a little more on top of things I feel like “oh, THAT’S what it’s like to feel normal!” I wouldn’t say I’m all the way there, but there are glimmers.

Relatedly, I’ve been feeling annoyed when I see or think about other people I know who’ve had kids recently. I see a picture (or think of one I’ve seen before) and I think, “Are you kidding? She looks so normal. Is that makeup? I can’t remember the last time I brushed my teeth…” Not helping was that it was hard for me to shower at first because of some issues, so for the first time since I was in high school I actually skipped days without showering. Like, um, four days at first. Yeah, sick. It just seems like people handle this transition better than I have, and so then I’m hard on myself for not being all put together. Part of this, I realize, I bring on myself because we hold her so much. So I guess that’s just my choice that then causes me to get so little done besides feeding her, and clearly I’m not changing my choice so it must be more important to me to do that than to cook dinner or something. I probably should have known that newborn days would be hard for me. Caring for a newborn has been easier than I expected it to be because I’ve always been so nervous with little babies, but that doesn’t mean it’s been a piece of cake by any means. And for goodness sake, that lack of sleep is a killer for me. Maybe it’s just that it seems easier for other people because I’m not inside and living that life–I only know my own. It always looks easier on the outside.

So! I don’t mean to be a downer or anything, that’s just a report on life at M+4 weeks. Life is good, it’s just flying by in some sort of fog and I’m hoping to pull out of it a little. Today my accomplishment was folding some towels and doing a teeny bit of ironing. Woo hoo!

I had a little photo session with Morgan because the light was fairly decent. I really feel like I need to learn to use my camera better. The other day I was looking at pictures on the computer and I thought I must be focusing wrong because so many are blurry, and I realized that by refusing to use flash in a rather grey place, when one of us moves at all the picture comes out blurry. I’m a genius for having not realized this before. There is a prime example of life in this baby daze.

This is the “I’m ready to eat now… why are you still taking pictures of me?” look. Aww.

I had a hard time picking which ones to post, so go to the flickr albums (link in the left sidebar) for more.

2 Weeks

Emily — Sun, 08 Feb 2009 06:51:00 +0000

Our baby is already growing up… it makes me sad, which I wouldn’t have expected as much. I feel like I’m not taking enough pictures because days seem to sort of just blend into each other right now. I wish I could somehow get all her expressions so I could remember them, though. Anyway, yesterday I decided that I needed to make sure to take pictures. Time is already flying by, seriously. It doesn’t hurt that I feel like I sleep most of the day–making up for the lack at night, I guess.

Before you see them, yes I do realize that every picture I have posted has her wearing a onesie with a blanket. She does now actually finally fit into a few select clothing items we have for her, so that will start to change soon. But the onesie is so simple and easy, really, and it’s so nice to snuggle her in blankets that it might continue.
Not the best picture ever, but that’s my fault. She’s still cute, though somehow this doesn’t quite look like her to me. I always wonder what she is thinking/feeling.
Why do yawning pictures entertain me so much? (And the picture’s color is off, which again is my fault, trying to play with the light available and not knowing really what I’m doing with my camera.)
I love her lips and I love her hands. I think they’re adorable.
Looking back at the headboard, I think. When she’s awake she’s incredibly alert and aware of things around her. We played with a ribbon yesterday and she followed it, even moving her head, all the way back and forth in front of her. I was impressed. It’s neat to see her learn but then I do already have a nostalgic feeling for when she was super tiny and new and only wanted to lay on my chest (actually, she still probably only wants that, so nevermind on that point). I try to remind myself that growing up means a little more rest for me… and maybe eventually she’ll eat less than once every two hours, which right now seems to consume my entire existence. But then conversely I remind myself when I’m slipping into unconsciousness while feeding her AGAIN in the middle of the night that this won’t last forever and I should enjoy her being so small. I guess it really did take having my own baby to understand the newborn joy.

Birthday Cake

Emily — Fri, 06 Feb 2009 16:55:00 +0000

Here we are finally getting to that birthday cake we bought Morgan the night before she was born (coincidentally). We had tried for it on her one week birthday but it was frozen and took longer to thaw than we expected. Bummer. So we broke into it the next day instead. A whole (small) Godiva chocolate cheesecake. So yummy.

Outings

Emily — Thu, 05 Feb 2009 13:53:00 +0000

On Monday we went out for the first time. (Actually, Saturday, in honor of Morgan being a week old and in an attempt to keep some sanity, we went down the street for a walk. The fresh air and sunshine peeking through did us good, even though it was way too cold.) We had our appointment at the birth center, and I was very good and followed their advice that the appointment be the first time I went out. (We had had a home visit from one of the midwives earlier in the week to make sure things were good.)

Morgan was not happy at first to be stuck in a car seat, but then eventually the car lulled her off to sleep, and I took advantage of the natural light to get some pictures of her snuggled up. I tried to comfort her with the blanket tucked around her but I think the real solution was just the car movement. Go figure.

This is our little sign on the birth center wall of all the babies born there.

Morgan was already up to her birth weight on Monday, which was a big relief for me, of course. I was worried she wasn’t getting enough to eat. Apparently we must be doing things well enough, though.

Tuesday was a big day because we went to a photo session in the morning. There’s a lady doing photos of babies born at the birth center to display there, and so just for participating we got the free session and a few prints. I’m super excited to see them, and I was really happy that it worked for us to do it because otherwise I doubt we would have done real newborn pictures. Plus, it’d be cool if Morgan got to be up on the wall of the birth center. Anyway, our easy-going baby was very cooperative and it went pretty fast, relatively speaking.

Then in the afternoon we went to the pediatrician, whose office luckily is about three minutes from our house. She’d gained exactly an ounce from the day before–again, good signs that feeding is going well. Our doctor kept commenting on how alert she was and how she moves her arms and legs smoothly, not jerkily like I guess a newborn often does. Of course as her parents that’s what we like to hear. Oh, and she impressed everyone by not crying when she had to be naked to be weighed and then sit in her diaper for the rest of the appointment. She really is just incredibly mellow.

Morgan’s pretty strong already. She has been since birth, but now she’ll push herself up when she’s laying against my chest and look at me. It’s kind of scary how quickly she’s already changing and growing.

Before and After

Emily — Wed, 04 Feb 2009 11:52:00 +0000

This was taken the day before Morgan was born, Friday the 23rd. I hadn’t taken any belly shots in a long time, and since my mom was around I could actually get a daylight picture. For obvious reasons, I’m glad we took pictures that day.
Here we are a week later. I’m not trying to hide my belly, I promise. but my face looked a little better in this one than in the other pictures that did show my new belly. Hehe. (Anyway, who would want a post-pregnancy belly shot??) Now, the incredible thing is to look at that baby, and realize that she was inside of me. How did she fit? How did she get out? It’s pretty crazy stuff if you think about it. I was there for all of it and still can’t figure it out.

These are a Few…

Emily — Tue, 03 Feb 2009 15:16:00 +0000

This is the other “pre-baby” post… though of course it’s still about the baby…

Some of the excitement of having a baby is, of course, all the fun little things we get to buy or have new. It’s like a grown up game of house… when sometimes you remember that an actual baby is going to come out of this little game you’re playing. Woo! Anyway, here are a few of my favorites that I can’t wait to use or share with our little baby.
Handmade love! The blanket on the left was made by Adrian’s mom, and the one on the right my aunt made. I don’t think of either of these people as old enough to be the grandma or great-aunt who crochets… but they clearly have talent. Did that sentence make any sense? Anyway, I love these and I hope the baby likes snuggling in them.
Finger puppets are cool. That’s all there is to it. My mom bought these and I want to play with them. Having the kid to entertain is really just an excuse for me.
Ironed receiving blankets. Yes, I’m weird. The rest of them are stacked in the bag to take for labor, but something about having soft flannel blankets all ironed and folded makes me feel happy.
This awesome wrap. It’s like a Moby wrap, but I got it off etsy, so it is also handmade love… just not from anyone I know. I wanted one like this ever since we went to the babywearing class because it seems really snuggly for little babies. So I’m very excited to try it out with an actual baby in it. I tried it on over my belly and it just didn’t seem to quite work the same.

[I'm sorry the color on that picture is weird. I don't like using flash when I can avoid it. But then my pictures come out funny sometimes, even in the day... because we live in a really cloudy place. Clouds usually are actually better for photography than direct sun, but it's just really grey here. There are only two places in the house where I can even try for good natural light, so basically all the pictures come from them. And even then it's not great. Sorry. It's just how it has to be for now.]
This is a preview of the actual crib bedding for the little one. It’s just not all set up in anything right now, and all I have is this cool Boppy cover my mom found. People on ebay get creative, and apparently someone bought a crib sheet and made it into a cover. So now at least there’s a preview of what her room will someday look like, and looking at it and thinking of the rest of it makes me smile.

More Pictures!

Emily — Fri, 30 Jan 2009 04:10:00 +0000

Here are a couple more pictures… I need to be taking more, because already Morgan is looking so different than when she was first born!

In case Adrian’s post about her birth somehow didn’t convince you, this should show you how much these two enjoy each other. She especially enjoys her naps with Daddy.
This was taken yesterday, when she was 5 days old! Time is already going so quickly…

We spend lots and lots of time snuggling around here. She has probably only really been put down for a total of, um, 45 minutes since her birth. And even then she’s still been right near us but maybe we’re both trying to eat at the same time so we lay her on a pillow next to us or something. Might sound insane, I realize. (Even her newborn exam, which was an hour or two after birth, was done right next to us on the bed of the birthing center.) She sleeps either snuggled next to us, like the above napping picture, or on one or our chests while we recline a little and try to doze. I’m going on the idea that it’s impossible to spoil a teeny newborn like that. Plus we were struggling a bit with breastfeeding at first, and staying skin-to-skin as much as possible is one way to help that. Mostly it’s that I feel like it MUST be a little scary for tiny babies to be out in the big world after their entire human existence has been snuggled up warmly inside their mommies. Then all of a sudden they’re out in some crazy new world, so of course they’re going to feel most secure when they are as close as possible to the people who were familiar even before their birth. And the joy of having only one child so far and absolutely no responsibility besides her care at this time is that we get to do that. We even generally change her diaper together so that one of us can touch her while the other one does the changing. Yeah, I know. Crazy. It’s okay.

Oh, one more example: after her birth and the first few minutes while we were still in the tub, Adrian got out and dried off and then she went from my chest to his while I did the last stage of labor passed the rest and they helped me to the bed and made sure everything was, you know, okay. (I’m trying to be delicate here! Hehe.) So even THEN she prettymuch only had contact with us.

And you can still say we’re crazy, it’s okay. It’s actually just impossible to NOT constantly hold someone so incredibly cute.

Morgan Josephine…A Daddy’s Tale

Adrian — Wed, 28 Jan 2009 06:36:00 +0000

I know many of you have been clamoring for more details about this sweet little baby, so let me just get a few of them out of the way for you before I get into the story.

Name: Morgan Josephine

DOB: January 24, 2009

Time: 4:02 pm

Height: 21″

Weight: 6 pounds, 5.5 ounces

So it all started Saturday morning. Emily has had previous experiences in the past couple of weeks with contractions. They would usually wake her up, make her feel uncomfortable, but they were sporadic and she was able to go back to sleep and ignore them. 6:30 am some more of these contractions began, but this time Emily was not able to ignore them, they were more intense but still a little sporadic. I finally woke up sometime around 8:00 because I noticed her squirming around more than usual, so I asked her what was up and how she was feeling. She let me know that she was having contractions again, but she couldn’t ignore these. We continued to time them for about 30 minutes and they were still all over the map. 8 minutes, 5 minutes, 7 minutes, but still intense enough that we knew these were a little different.

Now…every weekend since Week 37 we have been having our last “date night(s)” as a couple just in case we would not be able to again. We did that at week 37, a couple of nights, same with week 38, so we decided to give it one last go in week 39. Earlier this week, I was talking to Glorious about The Cheesecake Factory, and he mentioned how somebody told them that cheesecake was supposed to help make labor easier. Of course this was all scientifically backed by years of research. We had been meaning to go back and get the baby (and us too…ahem) an entire Godiva Chocolate Cheesecake for her birthday. And that is exactly what we did Friday night. But we also had a slice of Chocolate Mousse Cheesecake with our dinner. I realized that I did not like that one as much because it tasted too “cheesecakey” to me.

So it must have been that cheesecake, right? All that crazy sour cream cheese is really making her uterus go crazy. At about 9:00 I mentioned to Emily that she might as well get in and take a shower now while she can just in case this is more down the path of labor than her other previous contractions had been. She proceeded to shower, and every time she would feel the start of a contraction, or have one end, she’d put her hand out of the door and bang on the wall. They were now coming in at every 5 minutes pretty consistently, and a minute long, give or take 5 seconds. Side note, Emily also proceeded to shave her legs, because you don’t want to birth with hairy legs, right? I mean, when the midwives get down there, and see a little stubble, they just storm out of the room. :)

After Emily was finished with her shower, she put on some clothes and said that she was going to go downstairs and watch some TV to try and get her mind off of the contractions. She thought it would be a good distraction and help them go away. I decided to get in the shower too, and used my fancy badger hair shaving brush that Emily bought for me during our recruiting trip up here, so I would be extra silky smooth if the baby was going to come today. That and trying to email people to get their cell phone numbers in case the baby did come, took us to about 10:30.

I went downstairs to see how Emily was doing and find out how her contractions were going. Still about the same, 5 minutes apart, about a minute long. Definitely a pattern, and not tapering off either. Emily had decided that it was time for her to use the birth ball, so we both came back upstairs to our room, rolled out the ball, and then out of nowhere the contractions seemed to move up to being only 3 minutes apart and still about a minute long. She had a few of these and we called our Doula Wendy at about 11:30 to let her know what was going on and get her advice. From what we told her, and what she has seen, it sounded to her like this was the real deal. Okay. But she also said that typically, contractions that begin in the morning, tend to run through the afternoon and go into the evening, when the baby will be born. Okay, she will call us back in 60 minutes to see how things are going. Since we hadn’t eaten since about 9:00 pm Friday night, Wendy wanted me to get Emily to eat some protein and drink about 16 ounces every hour. She asked if I felt whether she should come over or whether she would be in the way, and I let her know that I thought we were doing find so far. Good luck to me on getting her to eat though.

I went downstairs and told Emily’s mom what was going on and asked if she would be able to make some eggs and toast so that I could go back up and be with Emily. She did and I was able to get Emily to eat probably a good 6-7 forkfuls of scrambled eggs, and a quarter of a piece of toast in the next 45 minutes. She was drinking pretty well too, and really using the birth ball to help with each contraction. There were 2 times where she mentioned about going to the hospital, but I told her she did not use the secret word. Emily kindly pointed out that we had never defined a secret word, at which point I told her that I guess she was out of luck on that one then. Sometime around 1:00 Emily also mentioned that she did not feel she was coping well, this was a signal to me that the contractions were in fact increasing in intensity and I decided give it a few minutes and call Wendy back. She conveniently lives 1 left turn, 1 right turn, and another left turn away from us (about 5 minutes if you take your time), so she made it over here pretty quickly. I gave her the quick recap of everything that was new and she talked to Emily about it and let me know that I should probably get the car packed just so we have everything ready to go when we need it, whenever that might be. I also called the midwives and spoke to Ali and let her know what was happening and that Wendy was coming over. We heard about Wendy from the midwives at the Birth Center, so Ali was comfortable with letting Wendy determine when we should come into the Birth Center, to just give her a call back then.

Loading my car took a while because I was trying to attach my cool car seat that I bought to match the interior of my car and was having some difficulty with it. I have never attached or used a car seat before, plus I wanted to get back upstairs and see how Emily was doing. Needless to say, it was a pain, but I got it taken care of. Everything was put in the trunk too, and we also threw in Emily’s car seat that is supposed to go into her car. I get back upstairs and Wendy tells me that we are probably going to be leaving within 30 minutes, that we are getting to that point. Alrighty. She wants me to move the passenger seat all the way forward with the bith ball in it, so that Emily can kneel behind it into the rear seat so that the position is almost like using the birth ball. That means I had to take the car seat out and have Wendy put it in her minivan since my trunk is now full. It was a pain getting out just like it was getting it in. And knowing that we know had a countdown, I was trying to get it all done as quickly as possible.

I get all of that done, get back upstairs and ask how things are going. They are finishing a conversation about laboring in the tub, and Wendy thinks it is a good idea, so we are going to leave now for the Birth Center. I called up Ali and let her know that we were planning on going in now, and let her speak to Wendy. Now, in order to do this, Emily has to have a contraction, then feel well enough to stand up, walk out of our bedroom, down the stairs, through the living and dining room, down the drive way and into the backseat of my car. Easier said than done, and that was not terribly easy to say either. Well
, she did it. We got in my car, put in a few last minute items, and were on our way. It was about 2:00-2:15 and the Birth Center was 20-25 minutes away.

Now…up to this time, I felt that I was handling everything pretty well. I was not nervous or stressed at all, but I absolutely do not like seeing Emily in pain. During the car ride, I could tell that she was in much more pain than I had seen before, since I just spent the better part of the last hour getting things situated while Wendy helped her cope and labor. It made me cry a few times when a contraction would hit because I knew how uncomfortable she was feeling, and all I could really do was drive safely, go slow over bumps, shift smoothly and let her know how proud I was of her. Of course, this was also the first time I had ever driven to the Birth Center from home, since I always come directly from work, so I had to work the directions back home in reverse and make sure I did not mess up. Luckily I did fine, and Wendy was behind me the entire time to make sure of that. Of course, before we drove off Wendy said “if Emily is in really bad pain, or says she can feel the baby or the baby is coming out, just pull over.” Oh yeah, sure…and you want me to drive slowly AND safely? Well, I still did, but I don’t have 400 horsepower to drive like my grandma.

We arrived at the Birth Center about 2:40, and luckily Abigail, one of the student doulas, was able to arrive before us and start the bath and prepare the room. The Birth Center has 3 bedrooms, and we spent a lot of our time meeting in Room 3, so we headed straight there. Emily was FOCUSSED on getting to that floor by the tub and getting her birth ball back. I went back and forth with Wendy a few times to make sure we had everything inside. Ali showed up a few minutes later and then so did Tonya, one of the other student midwives. Val, the other midwife, was not on call, and when we told her that we hired Wendy as our doula, she mentioned that meant she would not be at the birth because the universe cannot handle her and Wendy there together, or something to that affect. It looks like she may need to take up a side-job in ESP or something.

So Emily labors for about 10-15 minutes or so and decides that she want so get in the tub. It is filled up now, so we do not have to wait anymore. Interestingly, after every contraction now, Emily needs a drink of water. She is stil very lucid and with us mentally too. All of the books and our Birth Zone classes had all said that you will typically enter into an oxytocin-induced state of loopiness. That absolutely was not the case with Emily, and you will understand how as we proceed. Emily’s contractions seem to be a little longer now, and she is really needing to use much lower-toned sounds to get through them. Wendy was great at helping her really use her moaning to move through each contraction, she would also squeeze onto our hands during each one, but surprisingly to me, not with as tight a Kung Fu grip as you might expect. No broken bones or bruised knuckles here.

Emily enjoyed being in the tub for a few minutes and I ask if I should go in now, so I change into my bathing suit and hop on it. For those of you who may not have realized yet, by this point, Emily is naked. Once we got into the Birth Center, the clothes went off, no sense in them now. Your inhibitions fly out the window when you are this far along. Well, how far? Tonya asks if she would like to be measured and we agree. Part of Emily and my agreement was that all measures of progression or otherwise, would be shared to me, and then I would share them to Emily. This way, if you are not as far along as you may think you are, you will not have that number of centimeter dilated hanging over you, thinking how much more you have to go. Since Emily was in the tub, Tonya could not do it so the lefty Ali came in and measured. 8 centimeters. No sense in not letting everybody know that. We are CLOSE. And to think, with everything that Emily has read, all of her doula training, the classes, the people we know, to think she would be at this point in labor at this time was not something she was expecting. That is partly why we maybe were not taking things as seriously in the early portion, since Emily knew very well the amount of time and the steps of progression she should be taking. Typically, early labor is supposed to be from 6-12 hours, active is from 4-8 hours, transition is from a few minutes to a few hours and pushing about an hour. Best case on average for a first-time mom you are looking at 11 hours. At this point, we are at 3:00, about 8 and a half hours in, and all Emily has left to do is transition and push.

The tub was really nice, there was plenty of room for Emily to position herself in, and I was able to sit in a corner and help drizzle water on her lower back and hold her hand or her foot too. Ali had her 2 young boys with her, and Abigail is fairly new, so Tonya took the reins and we knew her fairly well so it was all really very comfortable. The rooms really are like suites at a hotel, dim lighting with candles, and since it was a Saturday afternoon, peace and quiet. Except for the animal moans every few minutes. I am not sure how to explain them really. Very low on the octave scale. Throaty. She moaned the word “low” a few times. Or “oh baby oh baby oh baby…”

Now…during certain parts of labor, the oxytocin is supposed to kick in and you are supposed to lose your sense of humor. Everybody who knows me knows that I like to joke around. But I made a promise to Emily that I would not joke during labor, I knew that it would be tough, maybe the toughest thing I ever did. Maybe even tougher than that one time I passed a kidney stone, but I would give it the old college try. And do you know what happened? What must only be the most awesome pain coping technique known to womankind, Emily transformed into a standup comedianne. There were AT LEAST 5 instances where all of us were cracking up out loud. On a few of them, Abigail and Tonya seemed to try and hide it by looking at me as if to say “um, we can’t be laughing” but there I was, shrugging it off and laughing away. When you hear your wife say “Booya!” during and after a contraction, you know that a) you have a very special woman as your wife and b) you say booya around your wife too much. At one point, MID-contraction mind you, Wendy told Emily “easy” as in take it easy with the pushing on this one, when my sweet wife, stops dead in her tracks of labor, turns her head, and gives Wendy a look that must only say “are you serious? EASY?” Again, outbursts of laughter. At this point, I no longer felt I had to keep the lids on my comedic repertoire, but I really do not even recall if I used a single zinger.

Do you know what is really cool? Seeing this all happen, in the water. If you asked us back in May, would we be giving birth outside of a hospital we would have told you no. If you asked us if we would birth in a tub we wouls tell you no way. But you know what? All it takes is exposure. Read some books, take some classes, watch some videos. Get informed about the whole process. I never thought I would be okay with a water birth, but there I was, in the tub, about to catch our baby. You could feel her head, and see as it progressed out more with each contraction and push. She had her left hand up with her head as she was coming, so Tonya just needed to make sure it did not fly out and that Emily was able to pace it nice and easy (there is that word again) to avoid any tearing.

Transition was fast, and the only reason pushing took 45 minutes, slow compared to the way Emily progressed through all the other stages, was because of that little left hand up with her head. 4:02, out came her head, then the rest of her. It was so pe
aceful. At one point just before this I sat there with my mouth agape, looking at this little head making its way out. The realization was inevitable. All I have ever wanted, ever wanted, was to be a husband and a father. You can take everything else I have accomplished away, all of our stuff, it just did not matter. Not one bit. Do you ever have that feeling where you know that life is good and if it was your time, you had lived a full life? I think I felt that at that moment. It only lasted a second, until I realized my mouth was wide open, but it was here. THAT day had finally arrived. And out she came, I put my hand on her back while Tonya helped with the rest and up she went to Emily’s chest. All was well. I gave our little baby a kiss on her head, her first kiss, my favorite kiss. The cold air of the world hit the roof of her mouth and she let us know with a few notes that only a parent could love that everything was alright. Ali asked for our camera, she could not find it, only the camcorder. Turns out, in all the rush towards the end of Emily’s laboring at home, I left it next to her phone on the floor. So out came her iPhone for our first family portait, and another. Those we will keep close to the heart. Then the camcorder to record her first few minutes here with us. Maybe she will want to watch it one day, I am sure Emily and I will be watching it much sooner than that.

And there we were, the Vanzulli clan has a new addition. We had a name in mind, but did not settle on it until today. God definitely gave us increase with this sweet little baby. Life is good. Nothing else really matters, you know? And now we adjust to a new life, a life without going out to eat all the time, or dates on a whim, or late nights on the Wii, or 2-seat sports cars. But when you look at her face, and the tears well up in your eyes, you just know this is what you have been waiting for your entire life. Forget about meaningless goals and achievements, I would take this any day of the week, for any price. Everytime.

Saturday night, we left the Birth Center around 9:00 pm (you have to do 3 things before you can leave, eat, pee and breast feed) and were getting ready to take our first night’s sleep together as a family in our own bed.

Baby Morgan sleeping on mommy’s chest. Tell me that’s not cute.

Here I am holding her after a feeding.

And now for the two pictures that will melt a frozen caveman’s heart…

Hello world, nice to meet you, I am cute, I like sleep, look at my stylish onesie.

I just overloaded you with cuteness by adding in a newborn yawn! World peace is at hand, hunger is no more, AND you get to witness my infamous left hand that was like glue to my head during delivery.

Baby Girl

Adrian — Sat, 24 Jan 2009 22:46:00 +0000

Friends and loved ones, we’d just like to put up a quick post before we go to sleep to announce the birth of our sweet baby girl. She is healthy and strong and her and mama are asleep right here next to me at home. We’ll post more later as we get the time…so in about 30 years. KIDDING. ;)

Three Little Dresses

Emily — Tue, 16 Dec 2008 10:23:00 +0000

I’m not going too crazy with buying little girl stuff (seriously, I’m not… I’m showing an amazing amount of restraint). However, I fell in love with the Christmas dresses at Gymboree this year. Now, she won’t be born by Christmas–at least, she’d better not be because she still needs time to grow! But there is always next year… Anyway, they have these gorgeous smocked duppioni silk dresses. And I loved them. Luckily my mom did, too, and she got one for us. Hooray!
Isn’t it lovely? It’s actually a deeper red in person, so it’s a shade I love. Love love love. Since I personally like wearing red so much, I don’t associate it with Christmas only. I say she can wear it at least through Valentine’s Day. Or longer. People can give us whatever funny looks they want.

It did take a little effort to get the right size, though, once they went on sale. Adrian and I went to Gymboree together to try and find the proper size, and Adrian found this random dress that according to the associates had only been sold online (in the Spring collection of this year) but must have been returned to the store. I swear it was there for us, because it’s another gorgeous duppioni silk dress, this one white/cream (real silk is never bright white because it’s a natural fiber), that just so happened to be the smallest size they made it in. So, what is it for us? A baby blessing dress!

I was so excited. I didn’t really want a “traditional” Christening-type dress anyway. This is not really so far off the norm, except that it’s not one of those crazy long dresses that a lot of people do, but it’s just different enough that I adore it. Originally I was thinking that there’s no reason for babies to be dressed in white at all, it’s just tradition… so at least this is just cream and not purple or something crazy. Haha. (This probably all goes back to how I’d do whatever I had to do to get a silk wedding dress, because I was adamant about not wearing polyester (GAH!!!) but couldn’t afford to buy a designer dress for thousands of dollars. Luckily I found someone who could make it and got a fabulous price on silk. And then I thought about cutting up my wedding dress to make a blessing dress, but I have no clothes-sewing skills. So this dress saved my wedding dress, which truth be told has never been cleaned and all that since I wore it anyway.)

And then, while continuing to hunt at another location for the proper size red dress, Adrian thought we should get ANOTHER dress for good measure. I’m giving him the credit here because (a) he really did find these at the store and (b) I applaud his good taste. Also I appreciate that he’ll support me in an occasional indulgence. Really, though, it’s not like they were $5 each but we did get them all on sale and with extra discounts so for silk dresses they’re actually pretty cheap. Well, and my mom bought the Christmas one (thanks again!). Anyhow, we also bought this lovely pink duppioni silk dress that will be the right size to fit her in Spring/for Easter when she’s one.
I know it’s silly, but I love having these darling silk dresses lined up for our little girl. She’ll be much better dressed than either of us! At least we know her big holiday dresses are taken care of for the next year and a half.