Yesterday was four weeks for Miss Morgan. Crazy how it goes. She’s eating and growing well, and most times she sleeps well, too. I can’t imagine having a baby with a really hard time sleeping. I mean, this is not easy for me as it is, and the times where she won’t go to sleep or is so exhausted but just can’t sleep I really feel like I’m losing my mind. And frankly it’s been exhausting for me because I’m the only one who can feed her. However, I feel like the last few days I am slowly starting to come out of this daze. I didn’t even really realize how deeply out of it I’ve been until I would realize how I hadn’t even noticed the last four days, for example. And now that I am feeling a little more on top of things I feel like “oh, THAT’S what it’s like to feel normal!” I wouldn’t say I’m all the way there, but there are glimmers.
Relatedly, I’ve been feeling annoyed when I see or think about other people I know who’ve had kids recently. I see a picture (or think of one I’ve seen before) and I think, “Are you kidding? She looks so normal. Is that makeup? I can’t remember the last time I brushed my teeth…” Not helping was that it was hard for me to shower at first because of some issues, so for the first time since I was in high school I actually skipped days without showering. Like, um, four days at first. Yeah, sick. It just seems like people handle this transition better than I have, and so then I’m hard on myself for not being all put together. Part of this, I realize, I bring on myself because we hold her so much. So I guess that’s just my choice that then causes me to get so little done besides feeding her, and clearly I’m not changing my choice so it must be more important to me to do that than to cook dinner or something. I probably should have known that newborn days would be hard for me. Caring for a newborn has been easier than I expected it to be because I’ve always been so nervous with little babies, but that doesn’t mean it’s been a piece of cake by any means. And for goodness sake, that lack of sleep is a killer for me. Maybe it’s just that it seems easier for other people because I’m not inside and living that life–I only know my own. It always looks easier on the outside.
So! I don’t mean to be a downer or anything, that’s just a report on life at M+4 weeks. Life is good, it’s just flying by in some sort of fog and I’m hoping to pull out of it a little. Today my accomplishment was folding some towels and doing a teeny bit of ironing. Woo hoo!
I had a little photo session with Morgan because the light was fairly decent. I really feel like I need to learn to use my camera better. The other day I was looking at pictures on the computer and I thought I must be focusing wrong because so many are blurry, and I realized that by refusing to use flash in a rather grey place, when one of us moves at all the picture comes out blurry. I’m a genius for having not realized this before. There is a prime example of life in this baby daze. 
This is the “I’m ready to eat now… why are you still taking pictures of me?” look. Aww.
I had a hard time picking which ones to post, so go to the flickr albums (link in the left sidebar) for more.